If I don’t get pregnant by March, I will be looking at a 2011 baby.
Since my RE takes breaks between IUI cycles, February is my last shot at having a 2010 baby. No pressure there.
Somebody hold me and make me some creamy tomato soup, s’il vous plait.
Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Cream of the Crappy Day Crop: Part 1
Man, Monday was a shitty day for me. My mother and I got in a huge fight over something stupid. My mother and I have always been close, and she is privy to what I am going through now and it helps me to talk about how I feel and keep her in the loop.
I could tell going into this whole injectables thing that my mother did not approve. My mother TTC’ed for 3 months before getting pregnant with me, and has expressed disbelief that I am seeking ART and continues to try and stress me out over the possible side effects of the drugs I have had to take, as well as the risks of cancer associated with Clomid. All of which are things I knew and considered before moving forward with treatment, which I have told her many times. Still, my mother continues to focus on the risks and negative factors with undergoing fertility treatments. That in and of itself frustrates me, because what gives the right to anyone that has not gone through the same thing as me to judge my choices?
Anyways, I called my mother at work Monday morning, a little nervous about my CD 3 u/s and beginning injectables. Instead of receiving what I wanted, which was positive encouragement from my mother, my mother immediately jumps on my case because I did not go see my family medicine doctor first to get “cleared” to begin these treatments. I calmly told my mom that my RE and I, as well as my family medicine doctor, had discussed me moving forward and agreed that if I did not have signs of infection anymore (i.e. lovely green mucus and phlegm), I could go ahead and start my treatments. Well, I had an appointment with my family medicine doctor on Tuesday, but had carefully observed myself, and knew I no longer had signs of infection. Well, this was not good enough for my mother, who just kept going on and on, like a jackhammer, telling me I was making a mistake and telling me my desire to have a baby was clouding my judgment, and so on and so forth. Finally, I told her I didn’t have time for this and hung up.
I went to my RE appointment, and everything looked good, as I previously mentioned. Well, I had no intention of sharing this with my mother. It is not my job to seek her approval or validate my choices to her, so I didn’t e-mail or call her post- appt, like I normally do. A few hours go by, and my mom sends me an e-mail not apologizing, but rather, demanding that I stop being mad at her and wanting to know the details of my appointment.
At this point, I could have done what I normally do and given her the info, backed down and things would go back to the exact pattern they were that morning when I called. But instead, my heart told me to plea with her to be more positive. So I sent her an e-mail, asking for positive encouragement when I talk to her. I told her my RE had said to surround myself with people who uplifted me during this time, and right now, she was doing the exact opposite of uplifting me. I begged her to either be supportive of me, or step back from the situation.
She writes me back, and tells me curtly to consider her out of the loop, and that in her poor health; she doesn’t need my “temper tantrums.” I write her back and say that I do not agree with her assertion that my e-mail was a temper tantrum. Rather, it was a carefully worded plea for some mercy, kindness, understanding and support during this trying time. I told her I wouldn’t be contacting her unless she could apologize and agree to be more supportive of me and respect my choices.
Well, it’s now Wednesday, and I haven’t heard from my mother at all. It is hurtful, but right now, I just don’t have the time to deal with her. If it is more important to her to spout off her opinion and disapproval on everything, then I don’t need her to be a part of this process. I can promise you she will have limited access to any future children I may have- I do not think her approach is constructive, and her negative attitude has torn me down so many times in my life, that I don’t want my children to be inflicted with that.
So, part 1 of a crappy day. At least I don’t have to hear the nagging anymore. Bright side, jme, bright side.
I could tell going into this whole injectables thing that my mother did not approve. My mother TTC’ed for 3 months before getting pregnant with me, and has expressed disbelief that I am seeking ART and continues to try and stress me out over the possible side effects of the drugs I have had to take, as well as the risks of cancer associated with Clomid. All of which are things I knew and considered before moving forward with treatment, which I have told her many times. Still, my mother continues to focus on the risks and negative factors with undergoing fertility treatments. That in and of itself frustrates me, because what gives the right to anyone that has not gone through the same thing as me to judge my choices?
Anyways, I called my mother at work Monday morning, a little nervous about my CD 3 u/s and beginning injectables. Instead of receiving what I wanted, which was positive encouragement from my mother, my mother immediately jumps on my case because I did not go see my family medicine doctor first to get “cleared” to begin these treatments. I calmly told my mom that my RE and I, as well as my family medicine doctor, had discussed me moving forward and agreed that if I did not have signs of infection anymore (i.e. lovely green mucus and phlegm), I could go ahead and start my treatments. Well, I had an appointment with my family medicine doctor on Tuesday, but had carefully observed myself, and knew I no longer had signs of infection. Well, this was not good enough for my mother, who just kept going on and on, like a jackhammer, telling me I was making a mistake and telling me my desire to have a baby was clouding my judgment, and so on and so forth. Finally, I told her I didn’t have time for this and hung up.
I went to my RE appointment, and everything looked good, as I previously mentioned. Well, I had no intention of sharing this with my mother. It is not my job to seek her approval or validate my choices to her, so I didn’t e-mail or call her post- appt, like I normally do. A few hours go by, and my mom sends me an e-mail not apologizing, but rather, demanding that I stop being mad at her and wanting to know the details of my appointment.
At this point, I could have done what I normally do and given her the info, backed down and things would go back to the exact pattern they were that morning when I called. But instead, my heart told me to plea with her to be more positive. So I sent her an e-mail, asking for positive encouragement when I talk to her. I told her my RE had said to surround myself with people who uplifted me during this time, and right now, she was doing the exact opposite of uplifting me. I begged her to either be supportive of me, or step back from the situation.
She writes me back, and tells me curtly to consider her out of the loop, and that in her poor health; she doesn’t need my “temper tantrums.” I write her back and say that I do not agree with her assertion that my e-mail was a temper tantrum. Rather, it was a carefully worded plea for some mercy, kindness, understanding and support during this trying time. I told her I wouldn’t be contacting her unless she could apologize and agree to be more supportive of me and respect my choices.
Well, it’s now Wednesday, and I haven’t heard from my mother at all. It is hurtful, but right now, I just don’t have the time to deal with her. If it is more important to her to spout off her opinion and disapproval on everything, then I don’t need her to be a part of this process. I can promise you she will have limited access to any future children I may have- I do not think her approach is constructive, and her negative attitude has torn me down so many times in my life, that I don’t want my children to be inflicted with that.
So, part 1 of a crappy day. At least I don’t have to hear the nagging anymore. Bright side, jme, bright side.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Spread too thin?
I don't know about y'all, but ever holiday season that rolls around, I am left wondering: what happened to the fun and excitement of Christmas I felt as a child? Well, obviously, I am an adult now and have more responsibilities, etc, but the past few years, I have felt at times overwhelming anxiety towards all of the stresses of preparing for a holiday. I always try my best to shop ahead of time, but I always seem to forget something or someone, and have to go out last minute to buy a gift. I also feel stress about my items I bought online arriving on time. This one is huge for me this year- I bought several gifts for important people, like my dad, grandmother, and husband, that have still not arrived. So now, instead of feeling like I can throw back an eggnog and start rocking out to Christmas tunes, I feel worried and fret over these things.
I also feel stress about committing ourselves to too many events during the holiday season. For example, I just had an unpleasant conversation with Mr. jme re: this weekend. A few weeks ago, my FIL, in his usual fashion, pressured Mr. jme into agreeing to go to a Christmas party this Saturday night of some acquantances in our Mardi Gras society. Well, fast forward to this week, and my FIL announces that we are having our family get together on Friday night. Well, fuck. We have already committed to both, so instead of resting and getting ready to head up to my mom's next week, we will be spending time getting ready for both parties, getting a Secret Santa gift for the party on Saturday, and recovering from both nights all day Sunday.
Don't get me wrong: I love parties, and normally I would love a double header weekend. However, this is a weekend where I need to get organized and prepare for being out of town for 5 days. I just wish we could have only gone to one, and spent the rest of the weekend being smart and getting ready for a seamless exit from Mobile Thursday.
To top it all off, I am in my third medicated cycle, and my CD 12 u/s check is Christmas Eve. So, depending on what my RE says, I will either have to a) take my trigger with me to my mom's and find a way for me and Mr. jme to bone while we are there, or b) have to cut the trip short and return for yet another ultrasound the day after Christmas, more than likely.
So, where I am going with all of this? I was just reminiscing about the holidays when I was younger. Even as a teenager and college student, I loved just spending time in my home with my loved ones, soaking in the Christmas spirit and making memories, not spending my time at the mall, or the RE, or being stressed b/c I don't have enough time to do what I need to.
Sorry for the mega vent, just wanted to throw it out to the universe. I have to admit, I do feel better after release.
I also feel stress about committing ourselves to too many events during the holiday season. For example, I just had an unpleasant conversation with Mr. jme re: this weekend. A few weeks ago, my FIL, in his usual fashion, pressured Mr. jme into agreeing to go to a Christmas party this Saturday night of some acquantances in our Mardi Gras society. Well, fast forward to this week, and my FIL announces that we are having our family get together on Friday night. Well, fuck. We have already committed to both, so instead of resting and getting ready to head up to my mom's next week, we will be spending time getting ready for both parties, getting a Secret Santa gift for the party on Saturday, and recovering from both nights all day Sunday.
Don't get me wrong: I love parties, and normally I would love a double header weekend. However, this is a weekend where I need to get organized and prepare for being out of town for 5 days. I just wish we could have only gone to one, and spent the rest of the weekend being smart and getting ready for a seamless exit from Mobile Thursday.
To top it all off, I am in my third medicated cycle, and my CD 12 u/s check is Christmas Eve. So, depending on what my RE says, I will either have to a) take my trigger with me to my mom's and find a way for me and Mr. jme to bone while we are there, or b) have to cut the trip short and return for yet another ultrasound the day after Christmas, more than likely.
So, where I am going with all of this? I was just reminiscing about the holidays when I was younger. Even as a teenager and college student, I loved just spending time in my home with my loved ones, soaking in the Christmas spirit and making memories, not spending my time at the mall, or the RE, or being stressed b/c I don't have enough time to do what I need to.
Sorry for the mega vent, just wanted to throw it out to the universe. I have to admit, I do feel better after release.
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