D, my IVF nurse called me. I thought it was weird she called in response to an e-mail I sent her about what to do about BCP since my last pill was today.
She told me that the recipient had backed out. Apparently, the recipient came in for her embroyology and injections class, and freaked the fuck out. She lives a few hours away from here, and she couldn't handle the time committment. WTF did she think IVF was? Waving a magic wand and hoping all was good on the day of ET? My IVF nurse thinks she either didn't have the $$ since deposit time was coming up, or that she did not follow her doctor's orders and diet to get her out of the pre-diabetic category by baseline. Or maybe both.
Frankly, I do know this is for the best. If someone cannot handle the time to do IVF and can't even follow a diet long enough to make baseline, what does that say about their committment to this? Not a lot, IMO.
My nurse said that I could just go on inactive right now, since I am starting this new job, and become reactive as a donor when I am ready, which will probably be late next summer/early fall. I do feel a bit relieved, but also a disappointed. It seems like there is always an obstacle for me to achieving my dreams of being pregnant.
I just have to trust in God's plan and know this recipient was not the right one for me, and that next year, God will provide me with someone who is ready at the same time as me.
I plan on still blogging, and hopefully getting back into the swing of things this time next year!
Showing posts with label IVF. Show all posts
Showing posts with label IVF. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Love this....
I am being a total copycat from Sulfa's page, but I loved this so much, I had to repost it on my blog for my few readers. In case you didn't see it previously, it pretty much hits the nail on the head in regards to the stupid things people say but should not say to those suffering from infertility.
So, what do you think people would say to you if you were paraplegic instead of infertile?
1. As soon as you buy a wheelchair, I bet you'll be able to walk again!
2. You can't use your legs? Boy, I wish I was paralyzed. I get so tired of walking, and if I were paralyzed I wouldn't have to walk anywhere!
3. My cousin was paralyzed but she started shaving her legs in the other direction and she could walk again. You should try that.
4. I guess God just didn't mean for you to be able to walk.
5. Oh, I know exactly how you feel, because I have an ingrown toenail.
6. Sorry, we don't cover treatment for paraplegia, because it's not a life-threatening illness.
7. So… when are *you* going to start walking?
8. Oh, I have just the opposite problem. I have to walk walk walk - everywhere I go!
9. But don't you *want* to walk?
10. You're just trying too hard. Relax and you'll be able to walk.
11. You're so lucky… think of the money you save on shoes.
12. I don't know why you're being so selfish. You should at least be happy that *I* can walk.
13. I hope you don't try those anti-paralysis drugs. They sometimes make people run too fast and they get hurt.
14. Look at those people hiking… doesn't that make you want to hike?
15. Just relax, you'll be walking in no time.
16. Oh do my legs hurt, I was walking and walking and going up and down the stairs all day.
17. I broke my leg skiing, and was on crutches for weeks, and was worried I'd have a permanent limp, but I'm 100% healed.
18. I'd ask you to be in my wedding party but the wheelchair will look out of place at the altar.
19. You're being selfish, not coming on the hike with us, and looking at all of my track & field trophies.
20. Don't complain, you get all the good parking places.
21. If you just lose weight your legs will work again.
22. If you would just have more sex, you could walk!
23. You don't know how to walk? What's wrong with you? Here let a real man show you how to walk!
24. You are just trying too hard to walk. Give up, and then you'll walk.
25. Here, touch my legs, then you'll walk!
26. Just take a vacation, and the stress-break will be sure to get you walking!
27. When *we* were young we only had to worry about having to walk too much.
28. And I bet a paraplegic going to a bookstore doesn't find books about paralysis stacked next to all the books on running…
So here's a little hint. If someone you know tells you that she's trying to get pregnant and it's taking longer than expected, DON'T tell her to just relax. Don't tell her to adopt and then surely she'll get pregnant with her own child. Don't tell her that God has a plan for her. Don't say, "At least it's fun trying!"
Scheduling sex with the person you love isn't fun. Getting vaginal ultrasounds every other day and intramuscular injections in your ass twice a day isn't fun. Finding out every single month that - yet again - it didn't work this month either is Just. Not. Fun.
DO tell her that you're sorry she's going through such pain/grief/frustration. Do tell her that you're glad she told you. Do tell her that, even if you don't bring it up (because you want to respect her privacy and understand that she might not feel like talking about it sometimes), that you're there for her if she ever wants to talk or vent. And DON'T feel that because she told you that it's okay for you to tell your other friends, children, co-workers, neighbors, cousins, mailman, whomever - unless she tells you that it's okay to do so. Your need to share news pales in comparison to her need to maintain a shred of privacy and dignity.
I think this should be mandatory reading for ALL!!!
So, what do you think people would say to you if you were paraplegic instead of infertile?
1. As soon as you buy a wheelchair, I bet you'll be able to walk again!
2. You can't use your legs? Boy, I wish I was paralyzed. I get so tired of walking, and if I were paralyzed I wouldn't have to walk anywhere!
3. My cousin was paralyzed but she started shaving her legs in the other direction and she could walk again. You should try that.
4. I guess God just didn't mean for you to be able to walk.
5. Oh, I know exactly how you feel, because I have an ingrown toenail.
6. Sorry, we don't cover treatment for paraplegia, because it's not a life-threatening illness.
7. So… when are *you* going to start walking?
8. Oh, I have just the opposite problem. I have to walk walk walk - everywhere I go!
9. But don't you *want* to walk?
10. You're just trying too hard. Relax and you'll be able to walk.
11. You're so lucky… think of the money you save on shoes.
12. I don't know why you're being so selfish. You should at least be happy that *I* can walk.
13. I hope you don't try those anti-paralysis drugs. They sometimes make people run too fast and they get hurt.
14. Look at those people hiking… doesn't that make you want to hike?
15. Just relax, you'll be walking in no time.
16. Oh do my legs hurt, I was walking and walking and going up and down the stairs all day.
17. I broke my leg skiing, and was on crutches for weeks, and was worried I'd have a permanent limp, but I'm 100% healed.
18. I'd ask you to be in my wedding party but the wheelchair will look out of place at the altar.
19. You're being selfish, not coming on the hike with us, and looking at all of my track & field trophies.
20. Don't complain, you get all the good parking places.
21. If you just lose weight your legs will work again.
22. If you would just have more sex, you could walk!
23. You don't know how to walk? What's wrong with you? Here let a real man show you how to walk!
24. You are just trying too hard to walk. Give up, and then you'll walk.
25. Here, touch my legs, then you'll walk!
26. Just take a vacation, and the stress-break will be sure to get you walking!
27. When *we* were young we only had to worry about having to walk too much.
28. And I bet a paraplegic going to a bookstore doesn't find books about paralysis stacked next to all the books on running…
So here's a little hint. If someone you know tells you that she's trying to get pregnant and it's taking longer than expected, DON'T tell her to just relax. Don't tell her to adopt and then surely she'll get pregnant with her own child. Don't tell her that God has a plan for her. Don't say, "At least it's fun trying!"
Scheduling sex with the person you love isn't fun. Getting vaginal ultrasounds every other day and intramuscular injections in your ass twice a day isn't fun. Finding out every single month that - yet again - it didn't work this month either is Just. Not. Fun.
DO tell her that you're sorry she's going through such pain/grief/frustration. Do tell her that you're glad she told you. Do tell her that, even if you don't bring it up (because you want to respect her privacy and understand that she might not feel like talking about it sometimes), that you're there for her if she ever wants to talk or vent. And DON'T feel that because she told you that it's okay for you to tell your other friends, children, co-workers, neighbors, cousins, mailman, whomever - unless she tells you that it's okay to do so. Your need to share news pales in comparison to her need to maintain a shred of privacy and dignity.
I think this should be mandatory reading for ALL!!!
Back to school, back to school....
To prove to Dad that I'm no fool.....
Hee, hee. Not really, but today certainly felt like a remedial course in all thing injections and IF that I know. Today, Mr. JME and I attended our Embryology and Injections class. All went well, and I already knew everything about injections, except for the mixing of the Menopur and Novarel. I was relieved to learn that I will not have to do any PIO shots when the time finally comes for my transfer next summer!! (PHEW) Instead, Crinone suppositories will be the M.O. for the 2WW, 2x daily.
I have been on BCP since the 26th, and will begin my Lupron injections on the 17th of this month. The embryologist was very cool, a New Orleans lady with a blunt sense of humor. She told us straight up that there is a big chance that I may not produce enough eggs to split with my recipient, and will have to give all of my eggs this go around to her and do another fresh cycle myself some time in the future. Really, I am more than okay with this. My recipient gets her shot at being pregnant ASAP, and I get to have a new cycle for virtualyl free at my choosing down the road. My Embryologist told me frankly, this might be the best outcome to hope for. I will be happy with whatever path God intends for me to be on, truthfully.
The only possible hiccup down the road now is on my recipient's side. My donor IVF nurse, D, told me that my recipiet's bloodwork came back borderline diabetic, and she is having to see a specialist right now in an effort to get her blood work to an acceptable level to proceed by the 17th. Her specialist felt this could be accomplished, but if for some reason it does not, the whole cycle is off. That leaves much in the balance, but my nurse told me to focus on today and tomorrow, and no further in the future than that. Will do!
Hee, hee. Not really, but today certainly felt like a remedial course in all thing injections and IF that I know. Today, Mr. JME and I attended our Embryology and Injections class. All went well, and I already knew everything about injections, except for the mixing of the Menopur and Novarel. I was relieved to learn that I will not have to do any PIO shots when the time finally comes for my transfer next summer!! (PHEW) Instead, Crinone suppositories will be the M.O. for the 2WW, 2x daily.
I have been on BCP since the 26th, and will begin my Lupron injections on the 17th of this month. The embryologist was very cool, a New Orleans lady with a blunt sense of humor. She told us straight up that there is a big chance that I may not produce enough eggs to split with my recipient, and will have to give all of my eggs this go around to her and do another fresh cycle myself some time in the future. Really, I am more than okay with this. My recipient gets her shot at being pregnant ASAP, and I get to have a new cycle for virtualyl free at my choosing down the road. My Embryologist told me frankly, this might be the best outcome to hope for. I will be happy with whatever path God intends for me to be on, truthfully.
The only possible hiccup down the road now is on my recipient's side. My donor IVF nurse, D, told me that my recipiet's bloodwork came back borderline diabetic, and she is having to see a specialist right now in an effort to get her blood work to an acceptable level to proceed by the 17th. Her specialist felt this could be accomplished, but if for some reason it does not, the whole cycle is off. That leaves much in the balance, but my nurse told me to focus on today and tomorrow, and no further in the future than that. Will do!
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Sigh of Relief
So, I talked to my nurse. She first said, "Whoa," after I told her everything. She told me that she can make this work, well I will do the ER now for my recipient, and freeze my embies or do a new IVF cycle if I have to give mine all away to my receipient (if there are less than 8). 8 is truly the magic number here.
She did say that I will incur more costs for a FET later down the road, so I asked her to please work up an estimate on how much more it will be. Since I am going to be making a lot more money than I am now, I will hopefully have enough saved up to be able to pay the extra fee now problem.
I feel sooooo much better. I know now I am not letting my recipient down, and I can now focus on getting the lay of the land at my new job and doing my FET or IVF # 2 (whichever it works out to be) next summer.
I feel tons better!!!!!!!!
She did say that I will incur more costs for a FET later down the road, so I asked her to please work up an estimate on how much more it will be. Since I am going to be making a lot more money than I am now, I will hopefully have enough saved up to be able to pay the extra fee now problem.
I feel sooooo much better. I know now I am not letting my recipient down, and I can now focus on getting the lay of the land at my new job and doing my FET or IVF # 2 (whichever it works out to be) next summer.
I feel tons better!!!!!!!!
Sick to my stomach
Ok, so last I wrote, I had a huge dilemna. I was offered my dream job, and it starts around the time I would be stimming for IVF. I was freaking out yesterday, but decided to not contact my IVF nurse till I could speak with my husband.
He had a very interesting idea. Since this is a federal job, the first year is a trial period, at which any given point, you can be fired for any reason. So, our fear is that if I am visibly pregnant before my year end review next September, I will be fired. But, here's his brilliant idea: since I do NOT want to disappoint my recipient or make her wait any longer to achieve her dreams, what if I could do my stims and the ER, divide the eggs in half (if I have more than 8. If less than 8, she gets them all anyways), and once mine are fertilized, freeze them and do an FET in the summer?
Sure, that means I won't have a fresh cycle, but it seems many of my fellow Bumpies are having better luck with FET's than their fresh IVF cycles. Plus, then I could do my FET in June or July of 2011, and if it takes, still not be visibly pregnant in late September for my year end review. Once that year mark hits, I will be vested and cannot be fired because I am pregnant.
Worst case scenario? I only produce 8 eggs or less, and then my recipient gets them all. But, this is not a 'worst case scenario,' because if this happens, then I get an entirely free new IVF cycle of my own, with no donation, since I donated everything the previous round.
I sent an e-mail to my IVF nurse letting her know I needed to talk to her. I am sick to my stomach waiting for the call.
Please keep me in your prayers that 1) This scenario can work and 2) if it doesn't, I will get another opportunity that will still allow me to take this job, which is the best thing financially for my family.
He had a very interesting idea. Since this is a federal job, the first year is a trial period, at which any given point, you can be fired for any reason. So, our fear is that if I am visibly pregnant before my year end review next September, I will be fired. But, here's his brilliant idea: since I do NOT want to disappoint my recipient or make her wait any longer to achieve her dreams, what if I could do my stims and the ER, divide the eggs in half (if I have more than 8. If less than 8, she gets them all anyways), and once mine are fertilized, freeze them and do an FET in the summer?
Sure, that means I won't have a fresh cycle, but it seems many of my fellow Bumpies are having better luck with FET's than their fresh IVF cycles. Plus, then I could do my FET in June or July of 2011, and if it takes, still not be visibly pregnant in late September for my year end review. Once that year mark hits, I will be vested and cannot be fired because I am pregnant.
Worst case scenario? I only produce 8 eggs or less, and then my recipient gets them all. But, this is not a 'worst case scenario,' because if this happens, then I get an entirely free new IVF cycle of my own, with no donation, since I donated everything the previous round.
I sent an e-mail to my IVF nurse letting her know I needed to talk to her. I am sick to my stomach waiting for the call.
Please keep me in your prayers that 1) This scenario can work and 2) if it doesn't, I will get another opportunity that will still allow me to take this job, which is the best thing financially for my family.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Goodbye, old friends
In preparation for my upcoming IVF cycle, I am once again quitting two vices I hold dear to my heart:
Yes, one of the luxuries I allotted myself in my time off was developing a nasty habit of drinking a cup of coffee in the morning, and going to a wine tasting with some friends of mine every Wednesday night at our local wine bar. Granted, I wasn't getting totally wired in the morning, and I wasn't getting sloshed at night (most of the time). I am also a bit concerned about the protein bar I eat in the morning containing chocolate. I might be going a bit overboard, but maybe I'm not.
I want to be totally and completely committed to doing everything in my power to make this work, since this is the only IVF cycle I will be able to do, aside from a FET (if we have enough embryos left) and that means nixing both of these bad habits.
You know, between 2004-2006, I went without any caffeine. Looking back on that time, I ask myself, how the hell did I do that? How did I have so much discipline in my early twenties, and none now?
So, I am totally open to suggestions on how to overcome this. So, lovely readers, if you have tips on how to beat the caffeine and hooch beast, I am all ears.
Until then, I am going to try to use the "eyes on the prize mentality."
Yes, one of the luxuries I allotted myself in my time off was developing a nasty habit of drinking a cup of coffee in the morning, and going to a wine tasting with some friends of mine every Wednesday night at our local wine bar. Granted, I wasn't getting totally wired in the morning, and I wasn't getting sloshed at night (most of the time). I am also a bit concerned about the protein bar I eat in the morning containing chocolate. I might be going a bit overboard, but maybe I'm not.
I want to be totally and completely committed to doing everything in my power to make this work, since this is the only IVF cycle I will be able to do, aside from a FET (if we have enough embryos left) and that means nixing both of these bad habits.
You know, between 2004-2006, I went without any caffeine. Looking back on that time, I ask myself, how the hell did I do that? How did I have so much discipline in my early twenties, and none now?
So, I am totally open to suggestions on how to overcome this. So, lovely readers, if you have tips on how to beat the caffeine and hooch beast, I am all ears.
Until then, I am going to try to use the "eyes on the prize mentality."
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
For realz
My nurse called back. She is calling in my BCP now, but I will not start until August 26th. I will take the whole pack, with the exception of the white pills the last week, and will move straight into a new pack, completely bypassing another AF.
My first Lupron injection is scheduled for September 17th. SQUEE!!!!!!!
She told me she sent a packet with a to-do list of tests and things that need to be done, so I know I will be a busy girl.
I could be pregnant by Halloween. Holy schniekies!!!
I have waited so long to be mentally prepared for this step, and now I am, and the moment is upon us, and I can hardly wait to get there!!!!
My first Lupron injection is scheduled for September 17th. SQUEE!!!!!!!
She told me she sent a packet with a to-do list of tests and things that need to be done, so I know I will be a busy girl.
I could be pregnant by Halloween. Holy schniekies!!!
I have waited so long to be mentally prepared for this step, and now I am, and the moment is upon us, and I can hardly wait to get there!!!!
She's here....
AF decided to give me a gift by showing up a day early! I am seriously thrilled! Now, I get to call my nurse and get the ball rolling on BCP!!
2 months until IVF # 1!! Squee!!!!!!!!!!!
Monday, August 16, 2010
Wow, that was easy.
I just heard back from D, the Donor IVF nurse. Wow, that was easy!
She told me that she did send the letter for exception to my insurance in June (sigh of relief there!), and that she is sending me a packet in the mail of a timeline checklist of things to attend to. One of these items is their insurance coordinator getting a pre-certification from my insurance. Hopefully, this will come in soon.
As for BCP, I am supposed to call D back on my first red flow day to get instructions on when to start BCP.
I am starting to get excited here! Please pray that my insurance covers me!
She told me that she did send the letter for exception to my insurance in June (sigh of relief there!), and that she is sending me a packet in the mail of a timeline checklist of things to attend to. One of these items is their insurance coordinator getting a pre-certification from my insurance. Hopefully, this will come in soon.
As for BCP, I am supposed to call D back on my first red flow day to get instructions on when to start BCP.
I am starting to get excited here! Please pray that my insurance covers me!
Confuzzled
So, this morning, I called my RE's office and left a voicemail for the IVF Donor nurse. I am a bit concerned that I haven't heard from her since she called to tell me a recipient had chosen my profile.
I am very worried that my insurance will not cover my IVF b/c my RE put me on BCP between IUI cycle this past spring. They told me that even with a letter, they still do not have to approve it. I am hoping that my RE's office has already gone ahead to send the letter, since the insurance needs it at least 60 days prior to the scheduled date of procedure.
I am also feeling a bit in the dark about what I should be doing right now, if anything. When am I supposed to start BCP? AF should be here by 8/18, and I feel like as the date approaches, I need to be up to speed on these things. I am worried that I need to have my blood tests done ASAP, but no one has told me anything.
The closer we get to the impending date, the more questions I have, and I feel like my IVF nurse has not really kept me in the loop.
We'll see what she says when (more like if) she calls me back today.
I am very worried that my insurance will not cover my IVF b/c my RE put me on BCP between IUI cycle this past spring. They told me that even with a letter, they still do not have to approve it. I am hoping that my RE's office has already gone ahead to send the letter, since the insurance needs it at least 60 days prior to the scheduled date of procedure.
I am also feeling a bit in the dark about what I should be doing right now, if anything. When am I supposed to start BCP? AF should be here by 8/18, and I feel like as the date approaches, I need to be up to speed on these things. I am worried that I need to have my blood tests done ASAP, but no one has told me anything.
The closer we get to the impending date, the more questions I have, and I feel like my IVF nurse has not really kept me in the loop.
We'll see what she says when (more like if) she calls me back today.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
It's been awhile....
Hello out there.
So, I have been MIA for the entire summer, and while I am sorry to leave everyone for that time, the break was self-imposed and much needed. The pain and sorrow I felt after my last BFN was compunded by grief from my c/p that I had not fully dealt with, as well as a job I was miserable at.
First off, I ditched the crappy job, and got a job with zero travel and much less pressure. What a relief it has been! I feel like I can breathe again. I am an office manager for a company in the horticulture industry, and I like it.
Second, Mr. jme and I took a mandatory break from all things T-TTC and baby. I enrolled in a Boot Camp Class with some friends, and really started focusing on getting in shape. I am not anywhere near finished, but I feel like I can tell a difference in how I look and feel! I have found peace in taking 2-3 mile walks around my neighborhood.
Third, I have partied like it's 1999. I have been going to wine tastings, I have had pool parties at my house,
I have gone to the beach,
I've drank so much I ended up singing karaoke with my dad!!
Lots of good times were had, and for the first time since my c/p last September, I can honestly say I feel I have turned a corner emotionally. I feel healed, renewed, like my old self pre any TTC. Hence, the new title, which references the Phoenix, a mighty mythical bird that falls to a mighty fire, only to rise from the ashes, renewed and reborn.
After this much needed break, Mr. jme and I are ready to get back on the path to creating our family. But things have changed. Over the summer, we were matched with a recipient for a donor IVF cycle. I am thrilled about it, but also terrified. While I have dealt with the feelings of "I can't believe it has come to this," I have appropriately grieved over the turn of events, and feel ready for the results of this IVF, good or bad. If it is a BFN, I am ready to close the door on my own birthchildren.
There are some question marks out there though that make the IVF not necessarily a go. What, you ask? My insurance. Yes, my insurance does cover 1 IVF cycle- but the stipulation is that you must have been off BCP for over a year. For those who have been following for awhile, you might remember my doctor put me on BCP after my first IUI cycle due to a cyst. Well, according to my insurance, this might be grounds for them to deny me coverage. My RE has told me he will write a letter to my insurance explaining why it was medically necessary for me to be put on BCP, but there is no guarantee that they will approve me, even with a letter. I feel a bit in limbo, because I have not heard from my doctor since I was told that a recipient had chosen me as their donor. The old jme would be on pins and needles, and there would be gnashing of teeth day and night over this. But not now.
Mr. jme and I have long known that at least one, if not two or three, of our future children would come to be ours through adoption. Adoption has been in my heart for a long time, and lately, I have felt even more drawn to the idea than ever. Specifically, my heart feels drawn to a transracial adoption. I have been lurking on the Adoption Board on the Bump, reading Adoption for Dummies, and speaking with a friend of mine, who is an adoption social worker. She has answered many of the questions and eliminated many of the fears I have had about adoption. Even if the IVF is a go, we will begin our home study at the beginning of the new year.
So, I feel a peace about however the dice falls. Even if I get to do IVF and it is a BFN, I am okay with that, because we will be expanding our family in the future, one way or another, hopefully both though.
So, I guess I am back, so to speak. But a jme my followers have known in the past is no more....I am back, with hope renewed, and I am looking forward to what the future holds.
Thank you all for your love and support.
So, I have been MIA for the entire summer, and while I am sorry to leave everyone for that time, the break was self-imposed and much needed. The pain and sorrow I felt after my last BFN was compunded by grief from my c/p that I had not fully dealt with, as well as a job I was miserable at.
First off, I ditched the crappy job, and got a job with zero travel and much less pressure. What a relief it has been! I feel like I can breathe again. I am an office manager for a company in the horticulture industry, and I like it.
Second, Mr. jme and I took a mandatory break from all things T-TTC and baby. I enrolled in a Boot Camp Class with some friends, and really started focusing on getting in shape. I am not anywhere near finished, but I feel like I can tell a difference in how I look and feel! I have found peace in taking 2-3 mile walks around my neighborhood.
Third, I have partied like it's 1999. I have been going to wine tastings, I have had pool parties at my house,
I have gone to the beach,
I've drank so much I ended up singing karaoke with my dad!!
Lots of good times were had, and for the first time since my c/p last September, I can honestly say I feel I have turned a corner emotionally. I feel healed, renewed, like my old self pre any TTC. Hence, the new title, which references the Phoenix, a mighty mythical bird that falls to a mighty fire, only to rise from the ashes, renewed and reborn.
After this much needed break, Mr. jme and I are ready to get back on the path to creating our family. But things have changed. Over the summer, we were matched with a recipient for a donor IVF cycle. I am thrilled about it, but also terrified. While I have dealt with the feelings of "I can't believe it has come to this," I have appropriately grieved over the turn of events, and feel ready for the results of this IVF, good or bad. If it is a BFN, I am ready to close the door on my own birthchildren.
There are some question marks out there though that make the IVF not necessarily a go. What, you ask? My insurance. Yes, my insurance does cover 1 IVF cycle- but the stipulation is that you must have been off BCP for over a year. For those who have been following for awhile, you might remember my doctor put me on BCP after my first IUI cycle due to a cyst. Well, according to my insurance, this might be grounds for them to deny me coverage. My RE has told me he will write a letter to my insurance explaining why it was medically necessary for me to be put on BCP, but there is no guarantee that they will approve me, even with a letter. I feel a bit in limbo, because I have not heard from my doctor since I was told that a recipient had chosen me as their donor. The old jme would be on pins and needles, and there would be gnashing of teeth day and night over this. But not now.
Mr. jme and I have long known that at least one, if not two or three, of our future children would come to be ours through adoption. Adoption has been in my heart for a long time, and lately, I have felt even more drawn to the idea than ever. Specifically, my heart feels drawn to a transracial adoption. I have been lurking on the Adoption Board on the Bump, reading Adoption for Dummies, and speaking with a friend of mine, who is an adoption social worker. She has answered many of the questions and eliminated many of the fears I have had about adoption. Even if the IVF is a go, we will begin our home study at the beginning of the new year.
So, I feel a peace about however the dice falls. Even if I get to do IVF and it is a BFN, I am okay with that, because we will be expanding our family in the future, one way or another, hopefully both though.
So, I guess I am back, so to speak. But a jme my followers have known in the past is no more....I am back, with hope renewed, and I am looking forward to what the future holds.
Thank you all for your love and support.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Back to Basic Bitter.
So, for my Bump chicas....yep, it was a BFFN.
I was a complete wreck Friday. I POAS around 2:30 AM, and could not go to sleep after knowing the truth. I cried like a newborn at the RE's office for my Beta. I cried again at work when my RE personally called me to tell me it was officially a BFN. I cried as I packed up my clothes and toiletries to hit Destin, Florida for the weekend. I wish I had been in the mood to take some pictures, because I would have posted them here.
When my RE called though, he told me that he felt that IVF was my best shot at getting pregnant. I very quickly pointed out to him that my insurance did not cover IVF, leaving me out in the cold for further treatments. He said, "You are covered." I said, "No, I'm not." He said, "I believe you are." And this exchange went back and forth for a few more seconds. I asked him to get his insurance specialist to try and confirm this.
The insurance specialist called and told me that she was not able to get a human being on the phone, but as of December 2009, I got a $5K maximum IF spend, which I have probably already spent at least $1,000 of with the 2 IUI's, as well as a $10,000 OOP maximum that we are looking into using as well. Mr. jme and I have always been in agreement that if it were to come to IVF for us to get pregnant, we would donate my eggs for another couple who are in great need of a BFP too. Not only does this cut the cost of our IVF significantly, but it gives us the joy of helping someone else stuck in the misery that IF is.
So, after some talks, we went ahead and scheduled an IVF consult to see how to get the ball rolling on April 30th at 3 PM. I am looking forward to exploring my options.
In the meantime, I am reclaiming the joy my life used to have, and this weekend was the first good step.
I was a complete wreck Friday. I POAS around 2:30 AM, and could not go to sleep after knowing the truth. I cried like a newborn at the RE's office for my Beta. I cried again at work when my RE personally called me to tell me it was officially a BFN. I cried as I packed up my clothes and toiletries to hit Destin, Florida for the weekend. I wish I had been in the mood to take some pictures, because I would have posted them here.
When my RE called though, he told me that he felt that IVF was my best shot at getting pregnant. I very quickly pointed out to him that my insurance did not cover IVF, leaving me out in the cold for further treatments. He said, "You are covered." I said, "No, I'm not." He said, "I believe you are." And this exchange went back and forth for a few more seconds. I asked him to get his insurance specialist to try and confirm this.
The insurance specialist called and told me that she was not able to get a human being on the phone, but as of December 2009, I got a $5K maximum IF spend, which I have probably already spent at least $1,000 of with the 2 IUI's, as well as a $10,000 OOP maximum that we are looking into using as well. Mr. jme and I have always been in agreement that if it were to come to IVF for us to get pregnant, we would donate my eggs for another couple who are in great need of a BFP too. Not only does this cut the cost of our IVF significantly, but it gives us the joy of helping someone else stuck in the misery that IF is.
So, after some talks, we went ahead and scheduled an IVF consult to see how to get the ball rolling on April 30th at 3 PM. I am looking forward to exploring my options.
In the meantime, I am reclaiming the joy my life used to have, and this weekend was the first good step.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)