One call changed it all.

So, this morning, shortly after writing my bit on caffeine, I got a phone call from a number I didn't recognize.

Let's flash back a bit, shall we? My major in college was political science, with a minor in public administration. I was supposed to work for the government out of college, but life had other plans for me. I have worked in sales and customer service for 7 years, with no luck in getting a government position, despite too many interviews to mention. In April of this year, I had my most recent interview with the U.S. Department of Education for a wonderful job with great benefits, even better holidays and lifetime teacher's pension. It was the perfect position, and though I felt it was a long shot, I went into the interview and gave it my best shot.
Obviously, since that was April and this is now August, I thought they had chosen someone else and had found closure with it.

So, flash forward back to this morning. I answer the phone, and it is the Director that I interviewed with in April. She apologized about the delay, citing a big ball of red tape, but said she was pleased to offer me the position and was I still interested? I almost dropped the phone. This is the opportunity of a lifetime. This would be the most I have ever made at any position I had been in, and was truly the career I went to school for. I happily agreed to take the job. I report to work on September 30th at 8 AM, and was told to prepare to fill out a mountain of paperwork, LOL.

Shortly after a frenzy of joy, shock and disbelief, it hit me. Shit, I am supposed to start Lupron on the 17th of September. This puts me right in the middle of my IVF when I am starting a new career.

::Insert panic attack::

I am at a loss of God's timing, but I don't know what to do. I ask my girls on the Bump, I ask my husband ,I mull it over in my head for several hours. Here's my thinking:

1. There is no way I can do my first ever IVF cycle and start a new job successfully at the same time.

2. This position has the first year as a trial period, where they can fire me for any reason they'd like at any time within that year. What happens if I go through this and they discover I'm pregnant (IF I get pregnant) before the year's end? They will fire me! What if I wait a few months?

3. I have to wait to do this long enough so that I will not be conspicuously pregnant at my year end review.

4. This sucks ass for my recipient.

I am feeling overwhelmed with disappointment, still shock, and major guilt. Though I haven't signed anything, I am letting down my recipient in a big way. Will she be willing to wait for me? Probably not, and I can't blame her. Also, I am afraid that by having to back out of this, it may ruin my chances of being a donor later on for someone else. It would break my heart to think that because I have this opportunity I need to take, my RE's office would not want to work with me again. This could ruin my chance to do IVF later down the road.

My heart is broken, but financially, taking this position is the right move for my family. Especially considering that I have IVF and possibly adoption in my future.

I am feeling a lot of emotions right now, but mr. jme and I are going to talk about it on the ride to Gulf Shores (we are eating dinner with his Washington DC relatives in town) and come to an agreement.

Ugh.